


More Than I Should

by Andromedanewton



Series: Anita and Edward (my canon divergence) [3]
Category: Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter - Laurell K. Hamilton
Genre: Biting, Confessions, Drugs, Edward is Ted is Edward, F/M, Feels, Running Away
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-04
Updated: 2016-08-04
Packaged: 2018-07-29 06:47:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7674211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andromedanewton/pseuds/Andromedanewton
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anita and Edward continue their cross-country journey to keep her safe, but when 'Ted' takes her out for dinner, things take unexpected twists...</p>
            </blockquote>





	More Than I Should

**Author's Note:**

> This damn series has spiralled! What started out as a little 3.6k word ficlet has evolved into over 30k words so far! I have seven parts written and it doesn't seem to be slowing down! In fact I believe the reason I am feeling so ill is because I have been living and breathing this story for three days solid, including sleeping, or not as the case actually is!
> 
> Positive feedback is always appreciated!
> 
> If you're interested the song I was listening to when I wrote them dancing at the bar was Amazed by Lonestar. It has now found a permanent home on my Anitaverse playlist!

We stopped in a small town where I was able to stock up on everything I could need in just three stores. Edward tailed me around the clothes store; where I chose black and deep blue jeans and various polo shirts, all in dark colours from red, green and blue to black, lots of black, and a couple of oversized sleep shirts; then the drug store where I was able to buy all my essentials such as shampoo, dental care and I even picked up a little make up. I had got into a habit of wearing a little eye make up, thanks to Jean Claude, and I admitted it actually looked good. I grabbed a duplicate of my favourite red lipstick from home and only then did Edward leave me in peace to buy underwear. I pretty much bought three bras and several pairs of lacy shorts, all in black, so I never had to worry about anything clashing. Comfy, practical but also a little pretty. It couldn't hurt. I mean for my own self confidence, not to impress Edward, really. Edward wouldn't let me buy shoes from a standard store and took me instead to a sports utility type store Dad used to take me to for hunting supplies, where he bought me, he insisted on paying, two pairs of boots; one for hiking, one with steel toe caps. I wasn't sure what he thought we would be doing, I assumed we were running literally, just staying on the road, but Edward always had a plan and part of that obviously involved me marching a long way or running the risk of heavy things falling on my feet. Maybe both.  
We switched the rental car again; this time Ted Forrester had an outing complete with cowboy boots and hat, this time a two seater pick up truck with a covered stowage for all our belongings; and we were back on the road again.  
The silence was deafening. I didn't seem to know what to say without making things worse, or sound worse, or bait him despite what he had said, and he didn't seem to want to talk to me, maybe he was pissed at the fact I had as good as proven I would sleep with him if the opportunity presented itself, even if I had avoided the question about if I had feelings for him. Of course he knew I wasn't one to bed hop, or really be a slave to my libido, not without an emotional attachment. Oh shit, I did have feelings for him. Very inappropriate ones, given the circumstances. This was exactly why you didn't mix business and pleasure.  
A few hours later we stopped at another motel, this time low grade and basic. It only had one room free, which we took, and Edward drove us to park outside. After checking for invisible threats he let me out of the car, checked the room, let me in there and made me stay put while he brought in the bags. He really wasn't taking any chances, or was paranoid, or more likely knew what Van Cleef and his people were capable of which was making him cautious. I was staring at the too small bed, the only one in the room, no couch, just a table and two chairs, and the one bed. Just one. And very little floor space. Which meant I would sleep there, being the smaller of the two.  
'We'll go out to eat in a little bit. Want to freshen up first?' Edward's voice made me jump even though I knew he was coming back in. 'And I need to make a stop to grab you a holdall for your clothes.' He put the bags down on the bed and I nodded.  
'Makes sense. Do you have a sleeping bag?'  
'Not on me.' He frowned at me. 'Why?'  
'I was thinking it makes sense for me to take the floor. I'm the smallest and there isn't a lot of room...what?' He was giving me a weird look, one eyebrow raised and his lip curled.  
'You want to sleep on the floor?'  
'I don't want things to be any more awkward than they are, and you can't stretch out here.' I pointed out.  
'Geez, Anita, we're both adults. We can share a bed.'  
'I didn't want to assume.' I shrugged as he passed me the bag from the drugstore.  
'We need sleep. That's all that's going to happen in that bed.'  
'Damn right.' I said angrily and shut the bathroom door behind me with a slam.  
Great, by trying to make things less awkward I had made them more awkward. I had some kind of special super power that was making me make things worse, I swear to God. I pulled my toothbrush and paste out and cleaned my teeth just for something to do, in an effort to feel more human, or as human as I ever got, and I plumped up my hair with a little water. I would do, if we were going out to eat and it wasn't somewhere too dressy, but when we got back I would shower before I slept. I had lost track of how long I had had these clothes on, other than the sleep shirt Edward had loaned me, and I would be glad to get clean and into something different.  
Edward was sitting at the table on his laptop when I came back out, concentrating on the screen which illuminated his face in the dimly lit room. He was frowning with one hand under his chin and looking at lines of text that I didn't understand.  
'So, what's that about?' I asked, putting my hands in my pockets as I stood behind him.  
'Trying to find Van Cleef. He likes to move around a lot.' He said quietly. 'Here.' He got up and made me take his seat before bending over me and leaning on the back of my chair, pointing to a set digits. 'These are coordinates, last confirmed sighting I have, so far. This,' he moved his finger to point further down, 'is one of his camps, it's the nearest to the coordinates so he could have been going to or from there.' I nodded and the motion made my hair catch on the scruff on his cheek, a day's worth of stubble, but he didn't move away, he paused in his explanation and it was only when I felt his breath in my hair I realised he had changed his angle, no longer looking at the screen. 'The rest is all hearsay.' He murmured and my pulse sped up, my hair rustling against my ear he was so close, and I had to swallow past a lump in my throat.  
'Is that near here? Near us?' I asked, trying to ignore the heat from his body being so close to mine.  
'No.'  
'Can you tell if any of his agents are nearby?'  
'I don't think so. I think we're clear.'  
My chest was tight with my heart pounding against my rib cage, he moved again, his face moving further into my hair until his lips must have been a fraction from touching me, his breath warm and I closed my eyes. It was perhaps the worst torture I had ever endured. Time seemed to slow but still his touch never came, just a ghost against my hair and skin, then the moment was gone and he cleared his throat, straightening and taking a step back.  
'We'll stay here the night and make an early start. We're only a few hours from our next stop.'  
'Which is where?' I turned in the chair in time to see him pulling the bathroom door closed.  
'New Mexico.' He replied simply. 

The steakhouse and bar Edward chose was rustic, loud and served a damn fine steak. Country music played loudly from the jukebox, meaning conversation was either yelled or nonexistent, and I understood why he had dressed in full Ted regalia before we left, complete with blue jeans, plaid shirt, boots and hat. He even had a leather jacket that just needed tassels to completely finish his look. I felt out of place from minute we stepped through the door but the corner table we had allowed us to each have our back to a wall and a perfect view of the locals eating, drinking and dancing. Ted had a beer, I had coke, and we shared sides of coleslaw and sweet potato fries, but after the enormous steaks Ted ordered that I could barely finish, it was just too much.  
'How'd you like it?' Ted drawled, stabbing a piece of steak I had left before popping it into his smiling mouth.  
'It was good, more than I'm used to, but good.'  
'You didn't try the fries.' He picked one up and offered it to me.  
'Really, I'm too full.' I shook my head.  
'C'mon, just one bite. I promise you they're worth it.' He dipped it in the sauce I had ordered on the side and offered it to me again with a sideways smile.  
I sighed. 'Will it get you off my back?'  
'For a lil while.' He winked and I shook my head.  
'Fine.' I put my hand over his, not totally trusting him, and bit the end off. He was right, it was good, whatever herbs or spices bringing out the best, and the combination with the sauce would have been enough to make me take another, had I not already had enough.  
'Good, right?'  
I nodded. 'You've been here before.' I stated.  
'Couple o'times.' He nodded his head. 'You get to know the specialities of the house, what's good, what's not, who's new, who isn't.' He said the last two pointedly as he leant towards me and I realised he meant he had spotted someone he wasn't expecting to be here.  
'Like?' I moved closer to him, afraid we might be overheard.  
'Let's dance.' He took my hand on the table and pulled me to my feet.  
'Oh no, I don't dance. Ed, Ted, no!'  
'Don't sweat it, I'll lead.'  
'I could have figured that out.' I muttered as he pulled me to the centre of the floor, turning to face me as I reached him.  
The music was louder here away from the table and it vibrated through the floorboards into my feet as Edward wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me close against him, our bodies a solid line, his hand in mine while my other rested on his shoulder. He bowed his head so his cheek rested on my temple and started moving us to the beat. 'Tell me what you see.' He murmured.  
I looked around the room as we turned over his shoulder. Everyone seemed to be in pairs or small groups, laughing and having fun, I couldn't see what he had...until I faced the bar when I saw him. He had tried to blend in, he had all the clothes and accessories, but while Edward, Ted, had well worn clothes, often used and well loved, this guy's entire outfit was brand new, you could almost see the lines where his shirt had been folded, and his boots shone so much they had definitely had no wear before tonight. He was nondescript, his mousy brown hair well kept, his face smooth and unmoving, and he watched us over the top of his beer.  
'Guy at the bar.' I said quietly. 'Sticks out like a sore thumb.'  
'What else?' We continued to turn until I could see him again and I tried to ignore how good it felt being held by Edward, concentrating on what I needed to.  
'He's not drinking. That beer has to be warm, the way he's holding it, he's had maybe a sip or so off the top so it looks like he's drinking but he's hiding his mouth. May be talking into an earpiece?'  
'Good.' We danced in silence for a few more minutes and his hand tensed on my back. 'Smile. You're meant to be enjoying yourself.'  
'Kinda hard when we're being spied on.'  
'Fake it.' He suggested.  
'I don't think I can.'  
He leaned back and looked down at me. 'So let's talk. It'll help you loosen up.'  
'I'm dancing, which I hate, that guy is beyond suspicious, and this entire situation is fucked up. Loose is not currently in my vocabulary.'  
'So let's get it in there.' His hands began to massage the base of my back, the sudden sensation making me press myself into him further and draw a gasp. 'That's better.' He whispered against my skin.  
'Define better.' I breathed heavily as my eyes closed, trying to ignore how good this was, how my stomach fluttered nervously.  
'You're relaxing. We aren't going to worry about this guy, we're just going to carry on enjoying ourselves and when we leave we'll lead him on a magical mystery tour he won't forget in a hurry.'  
'I'll follow your lead.'  
'Good. Just make sure you do.'  
That made me look up at him again. 'What does that mean?'  
'It means we give them what they want and just go with it.'  
My eyebrows barely had time to twitch into a frown before I realised what he meant, bowing his head, pressing his lips lightly against mine. I sort of froze, unsure what to do, this was Edward now, not some seducing replicant, and I realised Van Cleef thought we already had feelings for one another, were involved more personally than we truly were, and this was for his benefit, not mine despite the excited tingle the gentle brush of his lips brought, and certainly not Edward's.  
'Kiss me back.' He murmured against me and part of my mind yelled; what the hell! And took over.  
Our lips moulded to one another softly, a gentle nudging and nothing more, and I was amazed by just how incredible something so simple could feel, how everything seemed to disappear until there was only the two of us, our bodies moving slower as our lips picked up the pace, still nothing more than open mouthed caresses, but it was so much more than it should have been.  
He pulled back first, but not far, resting his forehead against mine, his lips touching my cheek softly. 'You never answered my question.'  
'There was a question?' I couldn't remember there being one, maybe I had missed it.  
'Back in St. Louis. I asked if you have feelings for me.'  
I sighed as I tried to think of a careful answer. 'I do have feelings for you, Edward. You can't live through what we have together and not get some kind of emotional attachment. Apart from you, of course. I know you're the perfect blend of sociopath and actor. I'm just not that good.'  
'Maybe I'm not as good as you think.' His lips brushed my temple again and I shivered, I couldn't help it. 'And maybe you're better than you think.'  
'I wear my heart on my sleeve, you know that. I'm an open book.'  
'You're a puzzle book.' He chuckled. 'Only you don't come with an answers page. There's no cheating your way with you.'  
'Sometimes it's good not to have all the answers.'  
'Sometimes it's good to prove someone wrong.'  
I was about to ask what he meant but he shifted his hold on me and dipped me in time with the music, bending me back until his lips grazed my throat. 'When we get up I want you to slap me and walk out to the car. I'll follow but it's important you look mad, got that?'  
'What am I going to be mad about?' I asked.  
'This.' He sank his teeth into the soft flesh of my neck.  
I gave a small groan and he bit harder, which didn't do my sanity any good, but how was he to know that simply floated my boat? I was supposed to be mad but gee, it felt good. I pushed at him despite my body wanting to pull him closer, and he released my neck and righted us. My eyes were wide as he grinned smugly at me and it took me a second to realise that was my cue. I slapped him as hard as I could, rocking him sideways before stalking to the door and out into the cold night air.  
My heart was loud in my ears as I walked to the parking lot behind the building, my body trembled and I couldn't concentrate, not a good thing when people were after me. I walked behind the pickup and slammed both fists into the covered flatbed with a frustrated growl. What the actual hell? Edward had decided to give Van Cleef more ammo then to snatch it away by being too forward? Was that it? I was confused enough as it was without him doing things like that to me, and boy did it do things to me. I reached up and touched my neck gingerly, it already ached where the happy hormones were wearing off and I was sure I would have one hell of a hickey if I looked in a mirror any time soon. Maybe I was better off not looking.  
'Ma'am, you okay?' I looked over to see the guy from the bar headed towards me. Oh shit. I hadn't expected that.  
'Date got a little frisky.' I made myself stay where I was, fighting the urge to put my hand on my Browning as much for comfort as for safety.  
'Do you need a ride?' He pointed to a sleek black car near the back of the lot.  
'Nah, I'm good, thanks though.'  
'If he treats you like that in public then what will he be like in private? A man like that doesn't deserve a girl like you.' He smiled but it went no further than his lips.  
'A girl like me?' I said in surprise. 'And what would that be?'  
'I just meant...' He stumbled over his words, obviously having thought flattery would work, that it would get me into his murder-mobile.  
'Really, I appreciate it but I'm fine. Go finish your beer or whatever.'  
'I can't do that.' He took another step towards me as one hand slipped under his coat towards his waistband.  
'Don't...' I started to say but got no further, and neither did he.  
Edward grabbed the taller man around his chest and shoved a needle in his neck, his body going limp immediately and Edward lowered him to the ground. The entire move lasted only seconds and I stared at him in surprise.  
'Get his legs.' I did as I was told, more out of shock than anything else, he led us to the dumpsters and we propped him between two of them. 'That ought to keep him down for a few hours.'  
'What happened to the magical mystery tour?' I argued as he led us back to the pickup.  
'What happened to you reacting badly to what I did back there?' He opened the drivers door and ushered me in and across the bench seat to the passenger side where I grabbed my belt.  
'It's not my fault you chose one of my g spots to bite!' I spat as I clipped the belt into place.  
He turned and looked at me in surprise. 'It is?'  
'What is? What?' I looked at him in confusion.  
'Your neck is one of your g spots?'  
'Will you just drive or what the fuck ever?'  
He muttered something under his breath but started the engine and pulled away.  
'So what are we doing now? Van Cleef thinks we've had a tiff and is waiting for his g-man to bring me in?'  
'Exactly. We're hitting the road again, we get our bags and we're gone.'  
'What happened to leading him on? What did you shoot him up with?'  
'Nothing too debilitating. Any tests will show his blood alcohol level through the roof and he'll be thrown in the drunk tank to sleep it off.' He glanced at me in the reflection of the streetlights. 'And by the time he's free we'll be long gone.'  
'And the change of plan?'  
'I didn't want to risk you getting hurt.'  
'Huh. Okay, thanks, I guess.'  
We drove in silence back to the motel and it was only when he shut the engine off he turned to me in the darkness. 'You should ask me that question some time.'  
He didn't give me a chance to ask him anything, just got out of the cab and went to the flatbed, pulling out the holdalls he had bought on the way to dinner and going into the room while I was still getting out of the truck.  
'Pack your things, we need to drive one town back the way we came and ditch the car.'  
'One town back?' I frowned as I fetched my things from the bathroom.  
'Double bluff, put them off the scent.' He explained. 'They probably know where we're heading I just need to make sure our visit is as short as possible.'  
'Are we going to get any sleep tonight?'  
'Maybe in a few hours.'  
I couldn't think of anything else constructive to ask so Edward helped me pack and we were back on the road again in ten minutes.  
The next town wasn't far and once we found an open rental place we swapped the car, yet again, this time for another SUV, and Edward took a different route out of town to the one we had come in on, and an hour later we found a hotel. Edward sent me to the bar for a coffee while he filled out the forms and several minutes and half a cup later he joined me.  
'Finish up, no hurry.' He sat in the chair opposite me. 'Porter took the bags up, we can follow when we're ready.'  
I sipped the coffee again, keeping my eyes down. This was so weird I wasn't even sure what to start thinking about first. My feelings for Edward were never far from my mind right now but I couldn't and wouldn't do anything about them, despite how it had felt at the bar. He had asked me to ask him the question some time but it just didn't feel right, not now, not when he was all business again and had been since we left the steakhouse. Van Cleef's threat was lurking there too, making me paranoid enough that I couldn't properly relax.  
'What's going through your mind, Anita?' Edward asked as though he could see the cogs turning as I mulled everything over.  
'Far too much to consider sleeping for a bit.' I admitted wearily.  
'You need some rest. We'll be out of here at sunup.'  
I gave him wide eyes. 'That's in just over five hours.'  
'Then you'd better empty your head so you can sleep.' He sat back and crossed one ankle over his knee. I knew he was always tense and ready to go but unlike the guy at the bar he looked completely at ease, as though we weren't being hunted by a top secret agency. The thought shocked me, as though reality suddenly took me by the shoulders and gave me a good shake. We were on the run, we were the prey, hunted by a threat mostly unseen. I was used to having things that wanted me to see them when they came for me, that I could see physically when I needed to protect myself or those who were mine, but this was like a ghost followed us, a dark shadow suddenly lurking and I swallowed past the fear that raised in me.  
'What?' Edward was visibly alert again suddenly, sitting up straight and leaning towards me.  
'I don't, I just...' I screwed my eyes up tight and let out a shuddering sigh. I would not cry, I refused to cry, I would not, oh shit I was. My eyes burned with unshed tears, the emotional roller coaster hitting me like a solid wall. 'We should go to the room now.' I stood quickly and he matched me a second later. My eyes were open again and felt hot and wet, more than I wanted them to, which wasn't at all.  
'Alright.' He put a hand on the base of my spine and guided me to the elevator without a word. The doors pinged open and he let me stand at the back on my own while I tried to compose myself, avoiding my reflection in the mirrors. He pressed the appropriate button and minutes later I was getting myself back under control as the elevator stopped and we got out onto the plush carpeted floor. He led us a little way down then pulled out the keycard, slotting it in the door panel and letting me in first as he glanced around, looking anywhere but at me.  
'Bathroom's through there.' He pointed to a door in the entryway and carried on into the room itself. I guess I was a mess and needed to fix something.  
I shut and locked the door, finally daring to look at myself in the mirror. I didn't really look that different, at least not as bad as I feared. I was a little paler than normal, which was feat in itself, my neck bore a red welt with broken capillaries but besides that I just looked...worn out? Tired I guess, the last few days taking their toll on me. I sighed at myself and picked up one of the shiny white face cloths, running some hot water and removing my make up, not caring about the stains it left. I had make up removal cream out in my bag but I just wanted to crawl into bed now, hide under the covers and pretend I was safe, just for a few hours, like a kid hiding from the monsters. Difference was Edward and I were the monsters and we were being hunted by humans. I sighed, steeled myself, and went back out into the room.  
Edward had already put out my sleep shirt, his t-shirt, and the bags were all neatly placed to one side of the room, which had twin double beds, a small seating area and all the other regular hotel accoutrements. I mumbled my thanks and grabbed the shirt, heading back into the bathroom to change. I didn't have the heart to tell him I had bought new nightshirts when he had gone through the effort to find his Santa Fe Annual Rodeo shirt for me. I paused mid change and looked at the double shower cubicle behind me. I so wanted to be clean. Maybe it would help me relax too. I stripped off, putting my weaponry on the sink unit with the t-shirt and leaving my clothes in a heap underneath it. I turned the water up until it steamed and stepped inside. The water caressed my skin with good pressure for a hotel and I sighed as the water washed away more than just a few days grime. I just stood there with my eyes closed for a long time, letting muscles I hadn't realised were tight relax and I could feel the tiredness seeping back as I let my mind settle into a peace I hadn't felt in days. Then I was snapped out of my ease by a knock at the bathroom door.  
'What?' I called.  
'You want your shampoo?'  
'Shit.' I muttered. I forgot that fact and the little courtesy bottles were never enough. I looked down at myself and at the shower stall. The glass was frosted where it needed to be, I'd be a naked blur, nothing more, and Edward had seen me in my underwear before now. It was just me who was worrying unnecessarily.  
'Anita?' He reminded me I hadn't answered him.  
'Sure, why not?' I shouted back.  
I didn't remember locking the door, not that that would have made a difference to Edward, even if it hadn't been one of those bathroom doors you could open from the outside with a butter knife, and it opened inward to show Edward had stripped down to just his jeans, the top button unpopped showing the start of a fine line of blond hair.  
'How do you want to do this?' He asked, showing me the three bottles I had bought without looking at me.  
'Um, I'll crack the door. Just a sec.' I shut off the water and he held the bottles out. I popped the sliding door and took them, standing them on the shelf. 'Thanks.'  
'No problem.'  
I turned the water back on and gave myself a generous squirt of shampoo and applied it before putting my back to the water again...and yelping in fright. Edward was still there. 'Jesus fucking Christ!' I leant on the tiled wall as my heart raced. 'I thought you left!'  
'Not yet.' He was sitting on the closed lid of the toilet. 'I wanted to talk to you and right now you're a captive audience.'  
'I'm also naked and freaked the fuck out!' I pointed out. 'Did you miss that part?'  
He looked up at me, his eyes moving straight to mine, not lingering inappropriately. 'I did notice. It means you're not likely to run out and I'll get to say what I need to say.'  
'Okaaaaaay.' I dragged the word out and started rinsing my hair before I got bubbles in my eyes. 'So?' I prompted.  
'So,' he repeated, looking at his hands joined in his lap, 'we seem to have crossed some line we always set ourselves.' I paused mid hand swipe through my hair, not knowing what to say. I knew I had crossed the line, hell I was so far past the line I couldn't see it any more, but I hadn't realised he might have crossed it too. 'You know what line I'm talking about?' He looked up at me again.  
I nodded. 'We were never friends, we just worked the same business. You were never above threatening me to get what you wanted, as long as the job got done.'  
'Okay, we crossed two lines.' He shrugged. 'We became friends, somewhere along the way. Then Van Cleef forced us to realise we had crossed another. Crossed the one where we are more than just friends.'  
I swallowed and automatically moved onto my conditioner. 'I think that was my fault. I should have realised it wasn't you when you, when he, started what he did.'  
He sighed, long and heavy, before answering. 'I had no idea you would have gone through with it. If I'd,' he let his voice trail off. 'When did things change for you?'  
'I...I don't know.' I admitted. 'It just didn't seem wrong, you and me. Although that wasn't you so it's a moot point.'  
'And if it had been me?' I stood with my shower gel in one hand, it running into my palm where I had frozen. It was only when the cold gel dripped onto my foot I realised it was overflowing. I swore under my breath, put the bottle down and washed myself, trying to ignore how furiously I was blushing. 'Ask me.' He said and I glanced up to see he was now standing, far enough back he still wouldn't see anything he shouldn't but close enough I could see the pain in his eyes even through the steamy glass. I didn't think I had ever seen Edward look so human, so vulnerable.  
I swallowed before I spoke and when I did my voice was hushed and emotional. 'Do you have feelings for me, Edward?'  
'More than I should.'

**Author's Note:**

> OMG!!! Edward made a confession! He admitted it! So, what's next? Reckon you can guess!


End file.
